Greetings beautiful beings. I trust all is well. The truth is, we are all well, if we only choose to focus on what we do have, who and what we are.
I have been very privileged to work with a little guy aged 7, as one of my clients, facilitating for him during sessions and I really wanted to share his story with you. No worries I will not be using his real name, so let’s call him Ben for the purpose of this blog, and gratefully his Mom has given me permission to share his story.
I met Ben’s Mom a few years ago and was very aware of her struggles within her marriage. She endured physical as well as emotional abuse while pregnant with Ben, which started very early in her marriage. Sad yet so true for many women out there. Perhaps this story will provide some encouragement to those women stuck in such a terrible situation.
Ben experienced first-hand the abuse that existed within his parent’s relationship, and many times bearing the brunt of his Dad’s control and anger. He was scolded at the age of under 3, that’s less than 36months on this earth, not to cry, to be a man. His Dad would scold at his Mom if Ben cried, as she tried to console him. Her coddling him would just enrage his Dad even more.
When you tell a child constantly that you are amazing, I love you, that child is geared for success. He adopts this as his beliefs and lives with this knowing within him. However, after Ben was exposed to the only world he knew of, abuse, anger, sadness, hurt, guilt and pain, he unfortunately was headed for a bumpy road.
So what he learnt was how to treat a woman, or rather mistreat a woman. He learnt that he was not good enough. He learnt so much that was not his to learn. So yes, you probably thinking what a horrible father, how dare he. The sad truth however, is that his Dad too experienced similar experiences if not worse during his childhood, that were never dealt with or resolved. It became a part of who he was as a result of not dealing with it. This happens for so many of us, as we pack negative emotions in a box never to be opened again. The result however is passing on a legacy of abuse, anger and resentment to those we should be treating with such love, respect and honour, our families. Yet we have no control as we are out of control, sadly.
We need to change the way we look at alternatives like life coaching and all forms of emotional therapy, to assist us in dealing with such severe emotional trauma. I am always amazed at how, we just happen to have the snuffles and we rush off to the doctor to address this. And don’t get me wrong, that’s great, to address the problem before it becomes worse. However, we forget we are not only physical beings. We are emotional beings too. When last have you addressed your emotional baggage or emotional trauma? Why does this continue to be taboo? Why are we not as open about seeking emotional help as we are about seeking medical help? We are physical and emotional. Science has proven that our thoughts and emotions affect our bodies, yet we only treat the symptoms and never the root cause.
Anyway before I go on a rant, let me continue.
As Ben was approaching the age of 7, his Mom had made an effort to get a job again, totally against her husband’s wishes. The aim was to become financially independent and to leave her husband for good. However, Ben’s Dad had a sudden heart attack and died. Ben did not really have the opportunity to say goodbye as this happened in the middle of the night while Ben was asleep. This meant no real closure for Ben too.
The result of this experience, was that Ben was not focussed at school. His teacher constantly complained that Ben was not focussed. Was disruptive as a result and that was a huge concern for his Mom. Some may label such behaviour as ADHD or some other disorder. What we typically do is medicate to address this. Again that’s fine, however she decided to ask me to assist him on an emotional level as based on things he mentioned during conversation, to her, it was clear he still thought of his Dad as alive, and that he would come home at any moment. Underlying for Ben, based on this belief, was a feeling of anxiousness and fear which he would not be able to share. This can only be determined based on his behaviour.
I started the sessions mainly with Journey facilitations, which includes delving into your subconscious mind and addressing events in your past. The results are profound, permanent and life changing. I can bear testament to the value of this work and what an honour to have been a part of his healing.
He obviously needed to deal with his Dad, so naturally his Dad came up in his first session. Ben however needed 150 of his Dad’s friends to be there as a safety net for him to face his Dad. Interesting that this happened, as we all know we are on our best behaviour when others are present. Wow what we manage to teach our children, not by what we say, rather they learn from us, based on what we do.
Over a few sessions, he was able to have only his Dad present. Full forgiveness was given with a huge emotional hug to his Dad at the end. This was all done through visualization processes as I guided him. Remember that your brain does not know the difference of whether you actually experiencing something or whether its imagined. That’s why this work is so effective, as he could have a full on conversation with his Dad, forgive him fully and release the past with ease, without having to physically face him. I can only describe this release, like having a mountain removed from your shoulders, based on my own personal experiences through my sessions, with this work. Yes, I have undergone many processes myself and it’s been life changing for sure.
What I discovered after this huge letting go process, was that Ben now could not forgive his younger self. He blamed himself for being a bad boy and believed that his Dad was that way with him, because it was his fault. This could have never been discovered as a belief through normal conversation, as our beliefs are adopted and accepted by our subconscious mind and most times we are not aware of what we actually believe and how this drives our behaviour.
We managed to deal with this in our last session, and he was able to fully forgive himself and release those negative beliefs about himself. What an honour and privilege to have been a part of his process. The results after my follow up recently, is a thriving boy, with straight A’s. His teacher this year has not complained at all, as he is now just a typical boy. Very loving to his Mom i must add, being physically affectionate and sometimes crawling into bed with her in the middle of the night. Knowing this just melts my heart. All I can say is enjoy moms, they grow up so fast. Having 2 teenage sons of my own, I dearly miss those days of having 2 little mommy’s boys.
The result of this experience for me, is how resilient we are as human beings. How we are able to overcome all our challenges as they are merely there for opportunities to grow. To discover our true amazing nature, filled with love, forgiveness and emotional freedom. I can confidently say that Ben has stopped his Dad’s legacy and is on his way to creating his own. Based on how he treats his Mom, I would say there is one lucky woman out there for him and wonderful kids that will be loved and cherished always.
I am eternally grateful for Ben and his openness and willingness to grow. To be the best version of himself. I have realised how wonderful it is to work with children and has become a real passion for me. With each session, I have the opportunity to become a kid again as the sessions are done through play. I recall how Ben loved every session we had, always asking when he could come back again.
For this I am eternally grateful and look forward to working with many amazing little champs in the future.
For more information on Journey sessions for kids, click on the link below:
Thanks for reading.
Much love
Zainab Ebrahim
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